Be A Great Date!

Be A Great Date

Copyright 2005 Dr. Gayla Swihart DeHart

Achieve Excellence

http://www.achieveexcellence.ca



The single life can be fun. But whether you are looking for

a partner, or just enjoying meeting new people, dating is

part of what being single is all about. The problem is that

dating can be tough. It is sometimes scary, usually

exciting, often disappointing. Some of this you have no

control over, but here are some tips for being the best date

that you can be:



Follow through on commitments: show up or call when you say

you are going to. This shows respect for the other person's

time and feelings.



Take responsibility for your feelings and actions: that

means that if something pushes your button, it is up to you

to handle it maturely. Do not expect someone that you barely

know to be able to know the complicated roadmap of you.



Know your strengths and weaknesses: be realistic and be able

to laugh at yourself and embrace your quirks.



Be able to take the other person's perspective: if you don't

do anything else on the list, learn how to do this! Show

empathy and put yourself in his/her shoes. This helps you to

connect with each other and get to know each other on a

deeper level, and it makes your more likeable.



Respect people's differences in taste, style, opinions, and

preferences.



Be a good listener and ask good questions: this shows

interest in getting to know the other person.



Disclose appropriately: it is important to let the other

person see more than just a superficial side of you, so it

is important to let your guard down somewhat. Value openness

and build trust. Note: this is not the time to discuss your

deepest darkest secrets.



Know how to handle your feelings of anxiety, anger, stress,

arousal. Your date shouldn't have to be responsible for

managing your behaviour or emotions. Control impulses but be

spontaneous.



Be assertive rather than angry and controlling or passive.

State your concerns and preferences clearly, and do not

expect your date to be a mind-reader or to be able to

decipher what-you-say vs. what-you-mean. Just say what you

mean.



Learn to negotiate and compromise. Things don't always have

to go your way and you don't always have to be in your

comfort zone. Who knows? You might be pleasantly surprised.



Handle conflict maturely and respectfully.



Learn to distinguish between your dates words/actions and

your reactions/judgements. These two things may not be

related at all. You are bringing your lifetime of

experiences to this date and an innocent remark or behaviour

may mean something completely different to you than it does

to your date, so don't react before thinking about whether

this might be the case.



Be authentic. That means Be Yourself. Otherwise you are

wasting everyone's time. Also, most people have a sensitive

radar for phonies and it isn't attractive.



Learn these skills and use these tips, and don't be

discouraged if some of these are difficult for you- it is

possible to learn how to be a great date- ask for help if

you need it! And then clearly imagine your future with the

partner of your dreams.













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) 2005 Dr. Gayla Swihart DeHart



Dr. Gayla Swihart DeHart, from Vancouver, Canada, is a

Professional Coach with a Ph.D. in Psychology. She helps

busy professionals manage stress, improve goal-setting and

follow-through, develop emotional intelligence, and increase

life and work satisfaction. More information on Dr. DeHart

and her services can be found at www.AchieveExcellence.ca.